I didn't post yesterday because I felt I didn't have enough to say. I'm doing great as far as alcoholism is concerned but life and the world still gets me down. Even if you try to do better people still judge you for your past and if you feel better it seems that others want to judge you even more. The world is a piece of shit in general and I guess getting sober isn't going to change that so I have to learn to deal with it in some way. My main theme when I am drunk is hating on how crappy the world is but even getting sober I guess that won't change. It comes down to how I perceive my own life and how I can live and think. Unless I become some vigilante activist I guess it is a waste of time to think that way. So I'll keep taking my Baclofen and drinking less and making more money so I can prove to the world that I am not going to get dragged down with their BS. I have much more to offer then most in this world so I have to overcome my insecurities. I think a lot of addicts/alcoholics let the world and their view of them bring them down and cause even more insecurities which never let them get better..
I'm in a bit of a rant mode but I think my words are honest.. so peace out!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
15th Day After Baclofen
The dose increase seems to help(50mg). I'm not drinking super heavy anymore. I still would drink more I guess but I feel ok drinking less right now. Um, not a whole bunch to say today but I am back to working and coding as usual now. Getting into security more than anything but have to stay doing normal web work to make money. At least I can make the sites I work on very secure with what I am learning. I can't believe how much personal information is let out without our consent but I won't get into that.
Only drank about 8 units of alcohol today(down from 29+) and I feel fine so I know the Baclofen helps a lot. I know these posts aren't too interesting but I'm posting anyway to keep at it. Good night!
Only drank about 8 units of alcohol today(down from 29+) and I feel fine so I know the Baclofen helps a lot. I know these posts aren't too interesting but I'm posting anyway to keep at it. Good night!
Monday, June 27, 2011
14th Day After Baclofen
Yay! I finally got to my dose increase today (50mg). I think it is helping alcohol withdrawal a lot. I know I read somewhere that it does work as well as Valium for withdrawal once you get to the right level. I only had a few beers yesterday and managed to make it through the day with only minor tremors.. Not even really shakes. Just that hyper/nervous feeling and high blood pressure so far.
Planning on only having a couple of beers today mainly due to the fact that I have no money and I don't feel like going in public what so ever. Not so nervous now that I had 1 beer this morning so maybe will make use of that and get the trip out of the way while I can. Either way it's a DRASTIC cut in my alcohol units and I thought it would be worse but it isn't so bad. I really don't think you can get DTs while on a decent amount of Baclofen. The Baclofen seems to be working!
Planning on only having a couple of beers today mainly due to the fact that I have no money and I don't feel like going in public what so ever. Not so nervous now that I had 1 beer this morning so maybe will make use of that and get the trip out of the way while I can. Either way it's a DRASTIC cut in my alcohol units and I thought it would be worse but it isn't so bad. I really don't think you can get DTs while on a decent amount of Baclofen. The Baclofen seems to be working!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
13th Day After Baclofen
I had a pretty bad day yesterday and think I MAY have broken something in my hand, not sure until the swelling goes down. I'm up at 3am because I went to sleep pretty early and I think I forgot to take my Baclofen, i'm not sure because my pill organizer is all in disorder. I'll take it just in case and try to go back to sleep.
I was seriously thinking about detox because I just want a place to go where I don't have to worry about anything and try to get better but I know I can't take my Baclofen there which is the only thing that might help me right now. These free detoxes just detox you and make you goto aa/na meetings which i've been to so many times. They just don't help me at all and also due to improper medication to relieve alochol withdrawal they start to think i'm mental and that things are due to a mental disorder which I don't really think is true. I believed it for a while because they kept telling me that but it's just due to being under medicated or coming off alcohol which causes some sort of psychosis in me. I am not sure how common it is but I know some get it. . Here is where I learned that it was normal ->Alcohol Psychosis
I think i'll try a alcohol taper (have to find info on how to do that) and keep taking my Baclofen. Sort of a self detox I guess. My mom lives right near me and has a locking shed with a fridge in it so I could keep it there. I'll give it an honest try if I can just not function and pretend i'm in detox for a bit. I'm really not capable of doing any work right now but I am going to try and I bet as my alcohol level goes down i'll start being able to work. Not being able to work isn't due to the Baclofen but the alcoholism I have realized. Also I blew through the $100 in like a day some how. The only things I bought besides alcohol were gas,baclofen,ecig liquid($10) I know gas has a big role in that since 2 trips to town costs like $20. I'm way out in a rural area partly to get away from drugs since I know what I do if things are easily around. I'm not too sure what i'll be doing but will keep this updated. After my Baclofen kicks in i'll try and get some more sleep
I was seriously thinking about detox because I just want a place to go where I don't have to worry about anything and try to get better but I know I can't take my Baclofen there which is the only thing that might help me right now. These free detoxes just detox you and make you goto aa/na meetings which i've been to so many times. They just don't help me at all and also due to improper medication to relieve alochol withdrawal they start to think i'm mental and that things are due to a mental disorder which I don't really think is true. I believed it for a while because they kept telling me that but it's just due to being under medicated or coming off alcohol which causes some sort of psychosis in me. I am not sure how common it is but I know some get it. . Here is where I learned that it was normal ->Alcohol Psychosis
I think i'll try a alcohol taper (have to find info on how to do that) and keep taking my Baclofen. Sort of a self detox I guess. My mom lives right near me and has a locking shed with a fridge in it so I could keep it there. I'll give it an honest try if I can just not function and pretend i'm in detox for a bit. I'm really not capable of doing any work right now but I am going to try and I bet as my alcohol level goes down i'll start being able to work. Not being able to work isn't due to the Baclofen but the alcoholism I have realized. Also I blew through the $100 in like a day some how. The only things I bought besides alcohol were gas,baclofen,ecig liquid($10) I know gas has a big role in that since 2 trips to town costs like $20. I'm way out in a rural area partly to get away from drugs since I know what I do if things are easily around. I'm not too sure what i'll be doing but will keep this updated. After my Baclofen kicks in i'll try and get some more sleep
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Twelfth Day After Baclofen
Slept like a log last night. I don't even remember waking up and when I did wake up I was confused that it was morning time. I didn't drink too heavy so I guess the Baclofen is helping me sleep. I don't even remember my girlfriend coming to bed, usually I always wake up then. Still at 30mg a day. I goto 50mg on Monday. Right now I don't even notice any effect from the Baclofen so I must be adjusting pretty well. I did get a bit of nausea today but it could be due to my bad health in general, I have a pretty bad ear infection it seems so I guess the flu like symptoms could be that. It has been going on for almost a month now I think. Also I have pretty high blood pressure and a previous heart attack due to my addictions. I guess I have let myself go.
On the MWO forums they are all telling me to goto the doctor and i'm thinking about it now. I just live way out in the middle of nowhere so it's like a 45min drive to get anywhere and I don't really have any cash. Other's think it is crazy that I can get alcohol/Baclofen/ecigs but not take care of this infection. I don't know I sort of think it should pass naturally but maybe they are right. I will try to start taking better care of myself. Not a whole lot of new stuff going on here, waiting on my dose increase. Not much happening with that just yet.
On the MWO forums they are all telling me to goto the doctor and i'm thinking about it now. I just live way out in the middle of nowhere so it's like a 45min drive to get anywhere and I don't really have any cash. Other's think it is crazy that I can get alcohol/Baclofen/ecigs but not take care of this infection. I don't know I sort of think it should pass naturally but maybe they are right. I will try to start taking better care of myself. Not a whole lot of new stuff going on here, waiting on my dose increase. Not much happening with that just yet.
Friday, June 24, 2011
New Electronic Cigarette
Oh I also ordered a new electronic cigarette because I broke my old one since it was huge in my my long shorts pocket. I bent down and broke it in half on accident.
I got the 510-t or tank version and it is freaking great! I get mad puffs off of it, it has better vapor production then a analog cigarette does. I don't have any good liquids, only the ones I didn't like but it is still satisfying. This thing doesn't use cartridges or any of that crap and you don't have to "drip" on it if you use custom liquids. You can fill up the tank and it should last like 2 days on what..50 cents maybe or even less. The only problem is that it was hard to fill with the standard dropper that liquids come in, I bet a syringe that you fill ink jet cartridges with would work great though. If you buy this and a liquid that sounds tasty(stick to tobacco ones until you get used to it) you will NOT be disappointed. I bet they will make this thing easier to use in the next version but it's pretty great. Most ecigs SUCK really badly since they have crappy cartridges or poor batteries but this one is great and not too big. I'll get a personal charger pack that looks like a cig pack when I can afford it, you can charge on the go like 10 times with them as long as you charge it once or twice a week.
I know a lot of Baclofen users are also heavy cig smokers so figured maybe this could help someone save some cash and get away from all those carcinogens from burnt organic material. Propylene Glycol is also shown to fight bacteria and possibly cancer so it isn't a bad chemical, the rest is pretty natural.
I got the 510-t or tank version and it is freaking great! I get mad puffs off of it, it has better vapor production then a analog cigarette does. I don't have any good liquids, only the ones I didn't like but it is still satisfying. This thing doesn't use cartridges or any of that crap and you don't have to "drip" on it if you use custom liquids. You can fill up the tank and it should last like 2 days on what..50 cents maybe or even less. The only problem is that it was hard to fill with the standard dropper that liquids come in, I bet a syringe that you fill ink jet cartridges with would work great though. If you buy this and a liquid that sounds tasty(stick to tobacco ones until you get used to it) you will NOT be disappointed. I bet they will make this thing easier to use in the next version but it's pretty great. Most ecigs SUCK really badly since they have crappy cartridges or poor batteries but this one is great and not too big. I'll get a personal charger pack that looks like a cig pack when I can afford it, you can charge on the go like 10 times with them as long as you charge it once or twice a week.
I know a lot of Baclofen users are also heavy cig smokers so figured maybe this could help someone save some cash and get away from all those carcinogens from burnt organic material. Propylene Glycol is also shown to fight bacteria and possibly cancer so it isn't a bad chemical, the rest is pretty natural.
Eleventh Day After Baclofen (Evening)
Hey Guys,
I think my sickness earlier was due to caffeine withdrawal, I've only had water and beer over the last week. I took some Excedrin and it all went away. I never even knew it could get like that but my girlfriend has had similar issues as well and said to take some caffeine which Excedrin contains. I got better after that and went to the pharmacy, I didn't get the 10mg pills but got the 1month prescription filled anyway. They couldn't get a hold of my doctor, I guess next time I'll get the good deal. I hate bothering him because I haven't paid him any money yet. He doesn't seem too concerned about money but I don't want to mess with him until I pay. I know he is very busy with his main practice. I thought it was lack of alcohol causing this but it was freaking caffeine of all things! It goes to show you that we use so many addictive substances that we think nothing about. I guess some of us are more prone to withdrawal of substances than others. Not sure if that is being studied or not.
Oh also the reason why I cut back on coffee was that it causes my alcohol withdrawal to be worse since I get overstimulated from that and my blood pressure goes crazy.
I think my sickness earlier was due to caffeine withdrawal, I've only had water and beer over the last week. I took some Excedrin and it all went away. I never even knew it could get like that but my girlfriend has had similar issues as well and said to take some caffeine which Excedrin contains. I got better after that and went to the pharmacy, I didn't get the 10mg pills but got the 1month prescription filled anyway. They couldn't get a hold of my doctor, I guess next time I'll get the good deal. I hate bothering him because I haven't paid him any money yet. He doesn't seem too concerned about money but I don't want to mess with him until I pay. I know he is very busy with his main practice. I thought it was lack of alcohol causing this but it was freaking caffeine of all things! It goes to show you that we use so many addictive substances that we think nothing about. I guess some of us are more prone to withdrawal of substances than others. Not sure if that is being studied or not.
Oh also the reason why I cut back on coffee was that it causes my alcohol withdrawal to be worse since I get overstimulated from that and my blood pressure goes crazy.
Eleventh Day After Baclofen (Noon)
I'm having some real bad nausea. I'm not sure if it's related to Baclofen or something else. I'm sitting here sweating and feeling ill like I have a flu. I gotta get out to the pharmacy soon but really not feeling well enough. I can't even drink right now other then a bit to get rid of some mild shakes. Maybe that is a good thing.
I plan to get the whole month of medication this visit, gotta call the pharmacy so they can talk with my doctor to change to 10mg instead of 20mg pills. For some reason the Walgreen's super saver plan or whatever it is called doesn't have 20mg in their list. Also I won't have to cut pills up if I have them in 10s.
I plan to get the whole month of medication this visit, gotta call the pharmacy so they can talk with my doctor to change to 10mg instead of 20mg pills. For some reason the Walgreen's super saver plan or whatever it is called doesn't have 20mg in their list. Also I won't have to cut pills up if I have them in 10s.
Eleventh Day After Baclofen
In a pretty bad mood today. I don't think i'll be getting paid this week and can't afford this coming week's medication so not really sure what to do. Usually it's in my bank account by 7am, It's my fault I know. I can't afford alcohol either and my body still needs it to not end up with seizures/hallucinations .I'm not making this up, it has happened to me already a couple of times and is pretty scary. As I said I am averaging 203UK units a week so it's too high to cold turkey. I'm thinking of detox if I can't get some financial support at this time. I know they won't give me Baclofen though and I really want to continue with the treatment since it looks like it actually works for most that are on it. It just takes about a month to get to a high enough level for it to start working.
Anyway I got about 60mg of Baclofen left at least. I'll update once I figure out what to do.
UPDATE: I got a few emails about this post and I don't think you understand. I get my meds from the Walgreen's so but couldn't afford to get the whole prescription since I got that super saver's plan to make the medication much cheaper over time. I am almost out but it was there waiting for me. I managed to get some cash from a family member that I only have to work off instead of paying back so it's ok now. I woke up in alcohol withdrawal with no means of doing anything and it caused me to over worry that was all. I was being a bit dramatic I think.
Anyway I got about 60mg of Baclofen left at least. I'll update once I figure out what to do.
UPDATE: I got a few emails about this post and I don't think you understand. I get my meds from the Walgreen's so but couldn't afford to get the whole prescription since I got that super saver's plan to make the medication much cheaper over time. I am almost out but it was there waiting for me. I managed to get some cash from a family member that I only have to work off instead of paying back so it's ok now. I woke up in alcohol withdrawal with no means of doing anything and it caused me to over worry that was all. I was being a bit dramatic I think.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tenth Day After Baclofen
Ah not a whole heck of a lot to say today. That could be a good thing I guess. Still drinking the usual amount and am still doing Baclofen 30mg(10x3 times a day). I'm over the thing were I was trying to speed this up. The more I read the more I see that it isn't the right way to do this. Oh I did start making a chart of Baclofen vs alcohol, nothing too impressive going on there yet so not posting it. I bet over about 1 month it will be interesting to see. The alcohol "peaks" are getting smaller in a pattern I did notice though so that is something.
Um well I'm pretty boring today, maybe I'll post again before bed.
Um well I'm pretty boring today, maybe I'll post again before bed.
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