170MG Still and Doing Great!

Hey another positive post today. I got a new place and moved into town to start networking more and try to focus on working and just getting my life together. My whole view on life is still great. I think the Welbutrin is part of it though but also the life changes. I just needed a totally fresh start where no one would judge me of my past anymore. It's hard to get better when you have people dragging you down. I think the main part of my addiction and alcoholism was due to an underlying very serious and chronic depression and not just addiction. I was self medicating the messed up place I got myself in.

I had 1 AF day so far, the other days were very in control and may have one today but a designer friend who could be a good business partner wants to get together and have a few social drinks. I think I can do that with no problem since the obsession just isn't there anymore. I do know if I drink too much while on Baclofen that I can't even walk right so I don't like drinking like that anymore, I used to love it. I feel that I can do healthy social drinking at business meetings or friendly get togethers like a BBQ with no problem, as long as it is improving life and not destroying it. My plan wasn't abstinence but control and to be happy in life which I think I am right now.

I can say if it is just the Baclofen doing this that it works! And I was a hardcore junkie. I have absolutely NO desire for those things and am pretty much disgusted by it now.

Not sure what day after Baclofen Up to 170MG though

Hey Guys!
Sorry I haven't been posting but I went through some really rough spots but now I think things are going to be a lot better! I have a lot of life changes coming up which I think I needed and is partly what caused my addiction problems in the first place. Right now I think I can take or leave alcohol. I'm still having a few beers a day but I don't really get much out of them and I think it's just out of habit more than anything. I had some weird problems with my meds for a bit but I think I got that sorted out. I'm just going to keep working with Dr.L and truly be honest with him about everything this time and I think i'll be just fine.

Anyway just wanted to chime and and say I am ok and getting much better now. There is something new in my life that I think will help everything.

Peace!

50th Day After Baclofen

I'm up to 150mg a day now and taking it all through out instead of large doses. According to my girlfriend I am suffering from severe clinical depression. I'm not sure myself but I can hardly eat and just don't have any interest in anything at all right now. It's hard to think more then simple thoughts. Well I can get a few days where I feel great and then i'm back here again.

My alcohol consumption has stayed pretty low or even none on some days so that isn't causing the problem. My mom had read that high dose Baclofen can cause this sort of depression but it seems pretty rare. I think i'll just ride it out since it usually goes away into a more euphoric or normal mood in a matter of days or after my next dose increas. Colors are aren't as bright as they should be and my mind is in a haze so I guess that is what depression is. I don't feel any psychical pain but I never do really so that is one symptom I don't have for sure. Some how with out being shitfaced or at least drugged every day life just isn't worth it as much as it was. It this somewhat sober existence all that life is?!

Trying to keep this cheery but about the best I can do. I had to write something but i'm sure it's not what anyone would care to read.

38th Day After Baclofen

Well i'm at 110mg a day now. I take it every 2 hrs right now and then a bit extra at bed time and it seems to be working out pretty well. My drinking has cut back a lot I noticed and some days i'm going to bed with beer still in the fridge which is shocking for me.

My usual side effects came back but with a sort of antidepressant effect on this increase. It was very noticeable for about 2 days and now it's sort of leveling out. At first Baclofen was sort of making me depressed and I started drinking more actually. Now it seems to do the total opposite effect. Just a week or so ago I was in such a flat mood that I didn't take pleasure in anything that I usually like, hell I wasn't even enjoying drinking and this week I feel 20 times better than that. I know I've heard some stopping Baclofen due to depression but it seems to go away once you get past those lower doses or maybe it's just this new way I'm taking it so spread out.

Starting to get more work done now. I think the funk was due to severe depression more than any medication side effects, I just couldn't get motivated and keep my thoughts together. I basically have to be excited about what i'm doing to figure out why things aren't working and it's hard to do that when your so depressed you can't think. At least that is all behind me now.

29th Day After Baclofen

I slept like a baby last night but this new dose level is sort of weird feeling. I have that mushy head and strange body feeling all over again. I guess it's going to do this every week I increase. At least I only have about 90 more mg to go up. Well I hope that is all I need.

I think I'll read up on MWO forum to see if I should be taking the Baclofen spread out over 4 doses instead of 3 30mg doses. It just feels like it is a bit too much. My next doctor appointment isn't until August so it's up to me to figure this out for now.

UPDATE:I got some input from the MWO forums and think I'll start breaking my doses down to small amounts every few hours or something. I'll let you guys know how that works out. Going to start doing that for my next dose on.

28th Day After Baclofen

I'm sort of at a crossroads in a lot of things. I think the Baclofen is helping me for sure but now that I just adjusted to 90mg a day I feeling some strange side effects. I'll have to research on my own how to split the doses since 30mg/3times day seems too much per dose. I won't get a chance to talk to my doc until August so I'll have to research on my own on how y to split doses at this level. My alcohol consumption has become less but I am dealing with other problems in my psyche.

I really think Baclofen could be great for someone who is just a addict or alcoholic but I don't think it solves anything further if anyone knows what I mean. As bad as it sounds I am going to keep taking it until I get to the threshold dose. I'm too low to say it doesn't help that as well. I am almost off probation due to DUI and other problems so i'm happy about that!

I don't have much to say yet again but wanted to post anyway. I noticed my visitors went for 70+ per day to 10 so I guess I better keep posting. I'm sorry I am just at a loss of words right now. There is much more in the world then it seems. Without getting out there it is all I can say!

Happy Trails!

24th Day After Baclofen

I am having some pretty bad depression and anger issues. It could just be the alcohol or I also think that the Baclofen is causing it as well since it started the day I increased my dose. There is so much going on in my head that I don't really know what causes what. Going to work on the drinking more and try to start eating again, lately I only eat maybe a tiny lunch and that is it. I just don't feel hungry for some reason. I won't have to be at this level for much longer(70mg/day). On the MWO forums they say each level is different and going up actually helps any bad side effects. Sounds bizarre but they know more about it than I do.

Oh another side effect I get at this level is that my brain feels mushy with the electrical sensations again, it seems to do that at each dose increase. Also very strong sedation in the mornings. I had some issues with working that involved a lot of copy/pasting and translating with Babelfish, I just kept loosing my place and it is taking WAY longer than it should for me. I think making lists of things and doing it 1 step at a time will help.

22nd Day After Baclofen

I woke up at 3am yet again, it doesn't seem to matter when I goto sleep. I always wake up at 3am. Was reading up a bit on Baclofen side effects and I think the closed eye visuals are due to it. The reason being the visuals are not related to reality in any way and is so total fantasy that it has to be drug induced instead of something my mind does on it's own. I know the difference with my experiences with them so far. Since I know that it is much more comforting now and I find it kind of funny actually. It doesn't help me sleep though that is for sure.

I think i'll start getting up at 3am and trying to work or something and then goto bed again after my morning dose. If I didn't have this option I think it would be very hard to hold down a normal job like this though.

21st Day After Baclofen

I'm doing OK. I just started on 70mg today.. I slept many hours later than usual and I guess the Baclofen is causing both tiredness and insomnia. I wake up at about 3am everyday and try and sleep from that point on. I'm having many closed eye hallucinations which I'm not sure are due to Baclofen or other previous mental health conditions. I see dwarves and elves/fairies playing with some liquid substance enjoying life and passing things on. It is like there is a machine making everything work and they are working the gears. The clock goes tick tock and makes the others stay in motion and keep on dancing. I am not sure what this means but the visuals are getting more and more intense the less I drink. I have a feeling this is why I drink so hoping the Baclofen will help me. I am scared of my own mind so we'll see how it goes.

I have been diagnosed with a few different disorders which I do not fully agree upon but I have noticed that the less I drink the more it becomes apparent that it could be true. Um I do feel "calmer" from the baclofen and feel that I could actually stop drinking without any alcohol withdrawal symptoms but my mind is always fighting with me. Don't let this discourage alcoholics and that it doesn't work. I just think I have other issues that have yet to be resolved.

About all I have to say about that.

17th Day After Baclofen

I didn't post yesterday because I felt I didn't have enough to say. I'm doing great as far as alcoholism is concerned but life and the world still gets me down. Even if you try to do better people still judge you for your past and if you feel better it seems that others want to judge you even more. The world is a piece of shit in general and I guess getting sober isn't going to change that so I have to learn to deal with it in some way. My main theme when I am drunk is hating on how crappy the world is but even getting sober I guess that won't change. It comes down to how I perceive my own life and how I can live and think. Unless I become some vigilante activist I guess it is a waste of time to think that way. So I'll keep taking my Baclofen and drinking less and making more money so I can prove to the world that I am not going to get dragged down with their BS. I have much more to offer then most in this world so I have to overcome my insecurities. I think a lot of addicts/alcoholics let the world and their view of them bring them down and cause even more insecurities which never let them get better..

I'm in a bit of a rant mode but I think my words are honest.. so peace out!

15th Day After Baclofen

The dose increase seems to help(50mg). I'm not drinking super heavy anymore. I still would drink more I guess but I feel ok drinking less right now. Um, not a whole bunch to say today but I am back to working and coding as usual now. Getting into security more than anything but have to stay doing normal web work to make money. At least I can make the sites I work on very secure with what I am learning. I can't believe how much personal information is let out without our consent but I won't get into that.

Only drank about 8 units of alcohol today(down from 29+) and I feel fine so I know the Baclofen helps a lot. I know these posts aren't too interesting but I'm posting anyway to keep at it. Good night!

14th Day After Baclofen

Yay! I finally got to my dose increase today (50mg). I think it is helping alcohol withdrawal a lot. I know I read somewhere that it does work as well as Valium for withdrawal once you get to the right level. I only had a few beers yesterday and managed to make it through the day with only minor tremors.. Not even really shakes. Just that hyper/nervous feeling and high blood pressure so far.

Planning on only having a couple of beers today mainly due to the fact that I have no money and I don't feel like going in public what so ever. Not so nervous now that I had 1 beer this morning so maybe will make use of that and get the trip out of the way while I can. Either way it's a DRASTIC cut in my alcohol units and I thought it would be worse but it isn't so bad. I really don't think you can get DTs while on a decent amount of Baclofen. The Baclofen seems to be working!

13th Day After Baclofen

I had a pretty bad day yesterday and think I MAY have broken something in my hand, not sure until the swelling goes down. I'm up at 3am because I went to sleep pretty early and I think I forgot to take my Baclofen, i'm not sure because my pill organizer is all in disorder. I'll take it just in case and try to go back to sleep.

I was seriously thinking about detox because I just want a place to go where I don't have to worry about anything and try to get better but I know I can't take my Baclofen there which is the only thing that might help me right now. These free detoxes just detox you and make you goto aa/na meetings which i've been to so many times. They just don't help me at all and also due to improper medication to relieve alochol withdrawal they start to think i'm mental and that things are due to a mental disorder which I don't really think is true. I believed it for a while because they kept telling me that but it's just due to being under medicated or coming off alcohol which causes some sort of psychosis in me. I am not sure how common it is but I know some get it. . Here is where I learned that it was normal ->Alcohol Psychosis

I think i'll try a alcohol taper (have to find info on how to do that) and keep taking my Baclofen. Sort of a self detox I guess. My mom lives right near me and has a locking shed with a fridge in it so I could keep it there. I'll give it an honest try if I can just not function and pretend i'm in detox for a bit. I'm really not capable of doing any work right now but I am going to try and I bet as my alcohol level goes down i'll start being able to work. Not being able to work isn't due to the Baclofen but the alcoholism I have realized. Also I blew through the $100 in like a day some how. The only things I bought besides alcohol were gas,baclofen,ecig liquid($10) I know gas has a big role in that since 2 trips to town costs like $20. I'm way out in a rural area partly to get away from drugs since I know what I do if things are easily around. I'm not too sure what i'll be doing but will keep this updated. After my Baclofen kicks in i'll try and get some more sleep

Twelfth Day After Baclofen

Slept like a log last night. I don't even remember waking up and when I did wake up I was confused that it was morning time. I didn't drink too heavy so I guess the Baclofen is helping me sleep. I don't even remember my girlfriend coming to bed, usually I always wake up then. Still at 30mg a day. I goto 50mg on Monday. Right now I don't even notice any effect from the Baclofen so I must be adjusting pretty well. I did get a bit of nausea today but it could be due to my bad health in general, I have a pretty bad ear infection it seems so I guess the flu like symptoms could be that. It has been going on for almost a month now I think. Also I have pretty high blood pressure and a previous heart attack due to my addictions. I guess I have let myself go.

On the MWO forums they are all telling me to goto the doctor and i'm thinking about it now. I just live way out in the middle of nowhere so it's like a 45min drive to get anywhere and I don't really have any cash. Other's think it is crazy that I can get alcohol/Baclofen/ecigs but not take care of this infection. I don't know I sort of think it should pass naturally but maybe they are right. I will try to start taking better care of myself. Not a whole lot of new stuff going on here, waiting on my dose increase. Not much happening with that just yet.

New Electronic Cigarette

Oh I also ordered a new electronic cigarette because I broke my old one since it was huge in my my long shorts pocket. I bent down and broke it in half on accident.

I got the 510-t or tank version and it is freaking great! I get mad puffs off of it, it has better vapor production then a analog cigarette does. I don't have any good liquids, only the ones I didn't like but it is still satisfying. This thing doesn't use cartridges or any of that crap and you don't have to "drip" on it if you use custom liquids. You can fill up the tank and it should last like 2 days on what..50 cents maybe or even less. The only problem is that it was hard to fill with the standard dropper that liquids come in, I bet a syringe that you fill ink jet cartridges with would work great though. If you buy this and a liquid that sounds tasty(stick to tobacco ones until you get used to it) you will NOT be disappointed. I bet they will make this thing easier to use in the next version but it's pretty great. Most ecigs SUCK really badly since they have crappy cartridges or poor batteries but this one is great and not too big. I'll get a personal charger pack that looks like a cig pack when I can afford it, you can charge on the go like 10 times with them as long as you charge it once or twice a week.

I know a lot of Baclofen users are also heavy cig smokers so figured maybe this could help someone save some cash and get away from all those carcinogens from burnt organic material. Propylene Glycol is also shown to fight bacteria and possibly cancer so it isn't a bad chemical, the rest is pretty natural.

Eleventh Day After Baclofen (Evening)

Hey Guys,
I think my sickness earlier was due to caffeine withdrawal, I've only had water and beer over the last week. I took some Excedrin and it all went away. I never even knew it could get like that but my girlfriend has had similar issues as well and said to take some caffeine which Excedrin contains. I got better after that and went to the pharmacy, I didn't get the 10mg pills but got the 1month prescription filled anyway. They couldn't get a hold of my doctor, I guess next time I'll get the good deal. I hate bothering him because I haven't paid him any money yet. He doesn't seem too concerned about money but I don't want to mess with him until I pay. I know he is very busy with his main practice. I thought it was lack of alcohol causing this but it was freaking caffeine of all things! It goes to show you that we use so many addictive substances that we think nothing about. I guess some of us are more prone to withdrawal of substances than others. Not sure if that is being studied or not.

Oh also the reason why I cut back on coffee was that it causes my alcohol withdrawal to be worse since I get overstimulated from that and my blood pressure goes crazy.

Eleventh Day After Baclofen (Noon)

I'm having some real bad nausea. I'm not sure if it's related to Baclofen or something else. I'm sitting here sweating and feeling ill like I have a flu. I gotta get out to the pharmacy soon but really not feeling well enough. I can't even drink right now other then a bit to get rid of some mild shakes. Maybe that is a good thing.

I plan to get the whole month of medication this visit, gotta call the pharmacy so they can talk with my doctor to change to 10mg instead of 20mg pills. For some reason the Walgreen's super saver plan or whatever it is called doesn't have 20mg in their list. Also I won't have to cut pills up if I have them in 10s.

Ninth Day After Baclofen

Slept off and on last night and don't feel very rested. Feeling shaky for some reason today. I haven't woken up feeling shaky in a few days now. I also feel weird sensations in my brain which is hard to describe(I know I say that a lot). I advise anyone else starting out to not mess with your dosing schedule at least at the beginning. It seems you pay for it a couple of days down the road or something, Or it could be that I'm adjusting to this weeks new dosing level (10mg/3 times a day). I heard it takes a few days to adjust to each change. I know people do take Baclofen "as needed" but maybe it isn't so great while our brains are not working right from alcohol withdrawal or use anyway.

Oh! I did manage to get some useful work done. Not as fast as I would usually be but I fixed the things I broke and made progress on the project. I just have to force myself to do things and eventually I get used to it again. Anyway I'm making good progress with the Baclofen and plan to have my alcohol units cut in half this week.

Eighth Day After Baclofen

I am going to make charts to document Baclofen vs Alcohol consumption. I stopped posting my drinking amounts four days ago which is bad. I think I stopped posting due to the fact that my boss/coworkers have this site and I felt embarrassed. I need to keep it documented so I can make charts properly. My girlfriend says that I have drank on average 6 quarts(192oz) of 8% alcohol per day but I think she exaggerates and I really don't remember so i'll put the last 4 days down as that. I'm pretty sure i've done better than that but oh well. I'll calculate this into alcohol units at a later date, this is needed for accurate data.

Anyway I am posting to remind myself so I can go over these posts and put it into data to chart. This is just a post for me mainly.

If enough people are interested i'll make a web app that each user can login/save and use to track their baclofen doses and alcohol consumption in units and have it generate a chart in an image which could be used as a forum signature of blog image. I'm also posting on mywayout.org and some seem interested. For now I have to do work that makes me some money but I think i'll do that in the future when I get better and it is for a good cause.

Seventh Day After Baclofen

I don't have enough to talk about lately so doing once a day posting. I do think the Baclofen is helping me with sleep and anxiety and also lowers the euphoria/craze that I get as an alcoholic/addict. I have read a lot and it seems to lower euphoria on all addictive drugs so I bet it is working in that way. I have been drinking rather heavily over the last few days but I'm not letting it get to me, I know as I up the dose that I will slow down. That is what the doctors say will happen and they know enough that I believe them .

I'm rather concerned that I am not feeling capable of doing complicated thinking which is what I need to do to be able to make any money. I am up late since I slept during the day so i'll be trying to do some hardcore jQuery (awesome javascript library) work tonight/tomorrow. I can't even imagine what I have to do to complete this task but I will try, usually I figure things out even if it seems impossible, the drugs gave me the motivation which is sad. I don't mean to use technical lingo on this blog but it is something I have to work with and it is great and hard to work with at the same time. I used to love learning new things and figuring them out but on the Baclofen I am having a harder time thinking in that complicated matter. I am sure I'll get over it but I'm pretty concerned that it could affect my talents/skills that I depend on to make a living. I will work through this is adapt I'm sure but I see why some are quitting their jobs for months on end just to get on this medication. Not sure why it has to work this way and maybe I am titrating too fast against doctors orders. I just don't want to drink so much and I can't even afford it anyway so I figured upping my dose would help. I'm up to 30mg a day now but I did like 60mg daily the last 2 days. I have used it to help me go back to sleep when I wake up at night and it works wonders but I think it isn't the best way to do this. Really wish I had a sleep aid on top of Baclofen to do this right but I even get addicted to things such as Ambien so it could be bad as well.

I don't have much else to talk about but hope my journal helps someone. I have to do a massive amount of work in a short time to be able to continue this so I may not be posting much for the next few days.

Don't let my depression get to anyone, I am just trying to make sure I post and the medication seems to help but I am not into posting right now. I'll be more prolific very soon  I hope.

Oh! I am just adding more to this post now. I hate how long they get. Anyway a weird side effect is this strange electrical/smooshy feeling in my brain which is hard to describe. I got it when I used too much GHB (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamma-Hydroxybutyric_acid) in the past as well as on Phenibut (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phenibut). I guess since they are related to Baclofen that some side effects are familiar. It isn't scary to me since I am used to it but I could see how it could be scary to some. Just wanted to add this so I remember it when I reread everything.